Husband bread

Check out this delicious bread that Jason made! He made it, I said! Made it! Bread. It rose, and baked, and well, it worked.


It looks like bread.



And also tastes like bread.

I'd say it was a success! He is now the "bread man".

Blogiversary!

Happy Congratulations to me and to you!

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my official beginning of blogging. When I started, I had a goal of writing as much as possible but with as little frivolity as possible (or, well...my idea of frivolity at least). In a year, I have blogged you with approximately 280 posts, some have sparkled and others have bombed, but despite the fumbles of my dipping my toes into a new world, I'd say it's been a good year. In honor of the occasion, I have reviewed the past year of entries and will now present you with a top ten of my favorite moments in the year of Santosha's primary nascence:

10. Containment-Contentment. Clever Purse Pun? Auto Correct Nightmare? Freudian Slip? Stupid Error? The idea intentional mistake fascinates me. Also, a blanket apology for past and future errors.

9. Oh what a tangled web we weave... Still my favorite trick.

8. Vomit Hand: A true poem about what happened to me Trying my hand at poetry was fun.

7. Oh! Why hello there, dear friend I'm loving this approach in practice and looking back now, I can see how it has affected me

6. All too easily we forget... Made me realize that things do happen.

5. A Fa(s)t Day Another great realization.

4. On competition... Competition isn't all bad. I think.

3. My Secret Baby Barometer A true conversation piece and button pusher. And still quite true I might add, although meant to be satirical.

2. the new hot I still can't get over this album!

And... (DRUMROLL>>>>>>>>>) the # 1 blog entry of the first year of Santosha was

Santosha Not particularly well written, but it truly details my connection to exploring Santosha and gave my blog it's name.

And now, onward into another year. Wish me luck!

A Fa(s)t day

Yesterday morning Jason showed me an article in the March issue of Runner's World entitled "A Thin Line"(Peter Sagal). It's all about a guy who used to be fat when he was a boy; he runs now and isn't fat anymore. But, his past heftiness plays tricks on his mind, and even though he's an amazing runner, he lives in fear while chasing numbers on the scale. He's constantly asking himself "Am I fat"?

This struck something in both Jason and I, as we both used to be fat kids growing up. Not obese fat, but chubby and blubbery. Fat enough that people made fun of us, and at age 9-13 that matters most. I can still remember a young Brad Edgerton shouting "Freeeeeeee Willy", as I skulked my way into 6th grade Language Arts class (Brad, if your listening, I forgive you, although I still secretly hope that you turned out to be slightly fat in your late 20's). I can remember another time that I had to carry something to school for a project and I put it in a Bruegger's Bagels bag (those bags were awesome for carrying stuff) and another 6th grade meanie asks "What happened to all the bagels? You ate them!!" So. Clever.

If you're made fun of at an early enough age, it gives you a strong determination to change your life, usually to be cool, to be liked, to be beautiful. Being made fun of gave me the strength to become what I wanted to be, but it still left tiny scars and, like Sagal, I will always wonder.

I mulled all of these thoughts over on my long run yesterday. I had a particularly fast run yesterday, and I kept asking myself: Am I fa(s)t? I was thinking about the struggle between feeling like you are fat, running, feeling awesome, trying to be normal, eating, feeling fat, feeling apathetic, feeling determined, running, eating, feeling fat again. As Sagal says "The memory of feeling fat never subsides-even after you become fit. It's about the terror of what we might become if we allow ourselves to let go".

The biggest difference between Sagal and I is that even though I know a part of me is running from my past self, for the most part I want to run in to be in the present. To be happy. To feel good. To find inner contentment.

* Check it out: Sagal, P. (2011, March). A Thin Line. Runner's World. pp. 46-47

Dry.

There are things that should be done. Always. Like, lotion your hands and do your laundry.
Also, be funny and happy. So do it. And do your taxes and eat your vegetables too. Holler.

1st song of the day

The Avett Brothers (written by John Prine)
Spanish Pipedream


Blow up your TV
Throw away your paper
Go to the country
Build you a home
Plant a little garden
Eat a lot of peaches
Try to find Jesus on your own


Words of a true cowboy.

Get me out of here!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I am taken over by an overwhelming need to run. Not run like "go for a run", but run like "get me out of here" run. This morning in yet another routine staff meeting where we are bombarded with pointless gibber jabber, it hit me. My brain and spirit were married in brilliant collaboration and came up with a plan. "Get up and get out of here!" they said to my body, "Run!!!"

There are legends of Durham Public Schools teachers going crazy in one fashion or another. One of my favorite stories tells of a veteran teacher at a neighboring school who, during a bout of teacherly frustration, stripped down naked, jumped out the window of her classroom (I am assuming it was a 1st story room) and ran down Hillandale Road never to be seen again.
Various other stories merely detail a teacher "losing it" in front of his or her students, maybe throwing a chair or slamming their fist down in anger. Either way, it is not completely uncommon for a teacher to experience some form of lunacy and act upon it.

I thought to myself about this. I could get up and run out busting through the school walls. Would the shape of my body be left in the brick, as I charged down Duke Street? Would others follow? I could justify my insanity by saying "At least I didn't strip down naked, and at least no students saw me".

My body was sitting and stewing in its own itch to escape, and suddenly the meeting was over; plain old good judgment began to wash over me. So no, I didn't run away this time. But at least I had something entertaining to think about to get me through the morning meeting.

Perhaps next time...

oblivion is so last season

Now, let me think...How can I say this nicely?

People who are unaware of their surroundings are highly irritating to me and I feel that they should learn how to be more present and aware of what is going on in the moment around them.

the amazing things

After a recent bout with everyone's favorite stomach problem (diarrhea), I am reminded of all of the amazing things that our bodies can do.

Due to ingesting some somewhat disgusting food, I spent a small portion of Friday evening on the toilet...at a friends house! I know the sensitive minds out there are curling at this unpleasant thought, but don't fret- it is merely a vehicle for realizing how cool our insides are.
If ever you are to eat something terribly unsavory, a trained gut will quickly, and I do mean quickly, dispel said yucky thing. Bad food goes in at the hand of bad judgment, and our bodies have the wherewithal to momentarily decide and ensure that these baddies get evacuated. Amazing! Quite right!

Thanks body! Next time, I'll try to think before I eat bad Mexican.

Dinner made

BBQ "chicken" tofu, mashed sweet potatoes, and sauteed brussel sprouts and edamame!
Delish!



Followed by a little croissant

My Buddy

One of the great disappointments of my life was never obtaining a my buddy doll. I SO very much wanted one. They seemed so real. So life like. So much better than a cabbage patch. And later so scary, as they went on the inspire the Chuckie movies! Ahhhhh. Scary!

I now have my very own little buddy at school through the Starfish Initiative. The Starfish Initiative is a mentoring program based on a fable about a boy who tried to throw a starfish back into the ocean that had washed up on the shore of a beach. The boy's grandpa approached him and said "Hey boy, why are you wasting your time throwing back that starfish? There's hundred's of them and it won't make a difference". The boys looks up at his grandpa and says "it'll make a difference for this one". Get it? I'm making a difference for the one starfish.

So, my buddy came by and he's super excited about hanging out with me tomorrow. I couldn't help but to sing the song from the commercial at the top of my lungs!

My Buddy! My Buddy! Wherever I go, you go. My Buddy! My Buddy! My Buddy and Me!!!

Picture Day!

I still get a little tinge of excitement at the thought of picture day at school. What will I wear? Will I have good hair?

Containment-Contentment. Clever purse pun? Auto-Correct Nightmare? Freudian slip? Stupid Error?

Lately, I've had a few errors in my blog. I'll admit, sometimes I don't check my work when I write. Sometimes I type so fast, click submit and never look back. Blaine, why would you do that; it's going to be on the internet? You ask.
Well, honestly I don't know. I guess I want to believe that somehow I can vomit write things and that they will make sense. I'd also like to think that through my ramblings and mistakes, I could find some kind of clarity about myself. After all, as annoying as stream of consciousness writing can be at times, it is also fascinating to read as it is revealing and refreshing.

For example, yesterday in my post (a purse debacle), I referred to the struggle for inner contentment as "the struggle for inner containment". Interesting, as purses are used for containing things. I'd like to say that I did that on purpose. A clever purse pun for my readers. But no, I wrote, I skimmed, and I clicked submit.
Was this a Freudian slip of some kind? Does my use of the word containment reveal something about me? Maybe my iPad's auto-correct is acting as my id?
But really, maybe I'm just lazy, rushing, or going through the motions with no regard for the product. Is it possible to find a happy medium? A place where I am writing freely, yet free of mindless errors.

A purse debacle

I am constantly faced with the very important task of deciding what vessel is best for transporting my things. It is hard, and although it does not involve solving world problems or pursuing inner contentment, it is a very important aspect of the day to day and for this reason I ponder. The first problem is quality and style. I constantly struggle between splurging on a nice purse that I will have forever and just throwing all my stuff in a reusable shopping tote or old knapsack. I also struggle with size. It must fit all things important, but not be too big and definitely not give me hunchback shoulder. Finally, color. In fashion, different colors are constantly coming in and out of style and really who cares, right? But seriously, black or brown?

I am going through a purse frustration period, and for this reason I have sold my current purse on eBay and ordered this:







A simple black lesportsac tote. We shall see.

I would now like to hereby recognize the immense shallowness of this post. Who freaking cares what purse you buy, Blaine?!
But it's on my mind, and sometimes wrestling with our shallow ridiculous selves is part of realizing contentment. And even the the most self realized yogic gurus need something to put their stuff in, right?

A day of hardcoredness

After the marathon in October, I'd been keeping most of my long runs under 10 miles. It's nice after you've been hardcore training, that is to say running 15-20 miles on a Saturday morning, to cut it back a bit to a nice steady 8 or 9. It feels easy, yet still still long. Today though, not only did I up my miles to the no-she-didn't double digits at a whopping 10 miles! I also ran said 10 miles at sub 10 minute pace! 9:45 to to be exact. This is good for me. Real good.

So good that after my run I ate all this:




Seriously, I did. And yes, that is fried chicken atop a waffle drizzled with honey mustard and sprinkled with powdered sugar, with mac and cheese on the side. I know!

There's a newish chicken and waffles restaurant in Downtown Durham called Dame's Chicken and Waffles. If you don't know, chicken and waffles is mostly a southern soul food phenomenon of deliciousness made trendy in the recent years. I mean, Snoop Dogg, Gladys Knight, Ashton Kutcher, Charles Barkley, and Shaq have all been spotted downing chicken and waffles within the last year. Gladys even owns her own chicken and waffles diner in Atlanta.
We were all skeptical of this combination; but it proved worthy of it's laud. The perfect meal, really. If you live close by, go! Like, stop what you are doing right now and go, preferably following some kind of exercise so as not to feel total guilt and remorse as a result of the debauchery of this meal.
I might see you there; I'm just waiting until I'm not full anymore so I can go back and try to jerk chicken and waffles with spicy hot BBQ sauce. Woah.

Josh Radnor, I think I love you.

At first I thought you were just some second string sitcom actor, doing a slightly funny job on a slightly funny show. The straight man to Neil Patrick Harris' hilarity, you seemed like any ol' New York actor to me. See, here you just look, well, kinda boring.

Then, I found out you played The Graduate and I gained a new respect for you. Slowly, you and How I Met Your Mother won me over. You got funnier and funnier, and your talent began to show. Episode after episode, I found myself chuckling at your "normal guy playing the dating game" routine. After all, somebody has to be the straight man. And as with any show, once it gets a little momentum, even the straight man becomes funny. See Friends.



Now I find out you've written, directed, and starred in your very own film! Not only did you do this, but your film looks quite good and it did very well at Sundance. I am extremely stoked to see it*. The the trailer can be viewed here. A bunch of people just trying to figure out life and how to be happy- I love movies like this!

Just look at you... Directing.

I think I'm in love. Platonic imaginary artist love, of course.



*That is to say IF I ever see it. As the movie release gods have not been too kind to us here. Withholding Blue Valentine from me... so wrong.

I'm bad

So we officially had 2 unexpected "snow" days. They were glorious. I never knew that I would appreciate snow days so much just coming off a break. But I did. I do.

Today we go back, usual schedule, and all I can think about is how awesome it would be to have one more day off. I'm bad.

It's just a testament to how easily spoiled one can become.

I think I just need to get back into the routine? Maybe. Or figure out a way to work from home? Yes. A couch commute.

The ultimate put down

What do you do when you are reading a book and you come to the conclusion that you no longer want to be reading the book? Do you power through and finish, give it another chance, hope that the trajectory of the story somehow miraculously changes in the second half? Or do you throw in the towel and get going on something that you do want to be reading? Putting a book down is hard. A part of you feels like you are a loser or something. Like something about you couldn't quite cut it with this book. Maybe you're not smart enough for this book. Maybe you are too smart for this book. Or maybe it's just not your thing. Regardless of the reason, I want to believe that it is ok to put a book down. And so I will.

I hereby put it down.

After all, doesn't the expression "I just couldn't put it down!" mean anything?

An unexpected (snow) ice day...sort of

Things done of note today:

1) coffee
2) egg and cheese bagel over o brother where art thou?
3) (snow) ice walk with dogs
4) coffee
5) soup
6) many episodes of how I met your mother
7) couch
8) snack fest 2011 including pretzels, cheese, bread, crackers and cookies
9) Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds
10) beer and scrabble
11) blog

An eventful day I'd say.

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Must see...

Dear people who decide to not release movies where I am until a long time from now or what feels to be an extremely long time, but could just be another week or so,

Please release Blue Valentine in North Carolina. I need to see it. I need to see the degeneration of Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams' on screen marriage. I need to see the debatable NC-17 worthy sex scenes. I need to see a film with hipsters acting their asses off.

Please.

Sincerely yours,

Me

getting out

I know it is my first day back to school with students. I know that I should be excited to see them. I know that I should be refreshed and raring to go. But, at the announcement of an early release today due to snow and freezing rain I am ecstatic!

Yipeeeeeeee!

This is what we do

We hang out.

A very important message regarding something important

I know this is extremely important to all readers out there. Can you sense my sarcasm?

In other words, this is extremely unimportant. A banal musing that must waste valuable space on the internet so that I can make it known to all:

I want to be more of an earring person. And, I want to blow dry my hair more often.

There, I said it.

I'm sorry.

words to live by...

In an effort to motivate teachers to stay positive in the new year, we were motivationally spoken to regarding the importance of maintaining your cool when the going gets tough with a kid, a parent, or a colleague. Most of this information is common sense, and refers to the basic need for people to be kind and compassionate in less than desirable situations. So naturally, as with most things like this, I sat glazed and spaced wondering when the new season of shows would start and which beverage I would quaff that evening. Until...the crown jewel of advice was given, a saying as cute and funny as it is actually applicable to life:

Nobody can drive you crazy unless you hand them the keys.

Words to live by, folks. Words to live by.

STRAIGHT!

Sometimes when you have long hair and you get a trim, Mr. Hair Man will make it straight.

Straight hair is way too much work to have as a daily practice. So, it's nice when someone else does it for you.


Straight. Straight. STRAIGHT!

Lights Out.

First day back to school and there is some kind of weird power outage. No lights, people.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

A special day

Exactly one year ago, Alex and Kurt were wed in Milwaukee. I was there. It was great. I wish you could get married every year!

Happy Anniversary, guys. Now go eat some old cake!

To tell or not to tell?

It's the start of the new year and all around people are making promises to themselves and their loved ones. Ways they can improve their lives, things they want to stop doing and general amendments to the day to day to induce happiness. But the big question on my mind is are you a teller or not a teller? That is to say do you discuss your resolutions with those around you or keep them to yourself?
Honestly, I can see the merit in both- the tellers have the world holding them accountable for their promises. If you want to lose weight or quit smoking, talking about it to the people around you ensures that when you pick up that cigarette or have an extra doughnut your loved ones can support you- or eat your doughnut.
The merit in not telling is much more understated, and really I can't quite explain it other than saying that it's nice to have a little secret with yourself. It also seems more real to me somehow. Rather than just choosing a resolution that sounds like a resolution, or something that you can talk about with others, you can truly search deep down into your soul and find what needs to be done. Not having to talk about it allows you to be more honest with yourself.

Personally, I am of the not telling camp. And when the tellers ask my resolutions, because it's always the tellers who ask, I usually make something up just so the tellers have something to talk to me about. That's a pretty fun secret to have too.

Except now, it's not really a secret anymore.


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