I am small

Today I felt teeny tiny as I traveled down an Alice In Wonderland rabbit hole of blogs. I mean, there must be a billion million trillion blogs on the internet. Blogs about love, blogs about animals, blogs about people loosing weight, wedding blogs, boring baby blogs, job blogs, music blogs, real estate blogs, TV blogs, movie blogs,food blogs, joke blogs, pet blogs, famous people blogs, how to screw in a light bulb blogs, etc, etc, etc... Pretty much, if you have a computer and the capacity to write, you can blog.

Before now, I existed in small self prominent world, where only I (and maybe Bekah too) blog.

I would like to believe that I am one of few who blog, that I am special because I blog. But I am not. I am one in... a lot... and who really cares what I have to say?

Well, I do...I care....And I will blog for me. And, the 7 other people who read it.

I'm trying to remember...

It's weird how sometimes we just remember random things and other times we just can't seem to remember anything. What controls what is in our immediate conscious? And, how can we just remember something without even knowing that we want to remember it? And, why is it that when you specifically try to remember something, all the focus of trying to remember it causes you to not remember the thing you were trying to remember? REMEMBER!

Date Night!

Starring Jason Roberts and Blaine Barbee...

I never thought the time would come when we would actually have to schedule time to hang out with each other. Bleck! But we do, and we did. As busy as we've both been, a date night was in order. Lots of wine and a gluttonous dinner. And a reminder that we are now old, as a young college student entered the Wine Bar, saw just us inside at 5:30 on a Thursday and promptly turned around to exit.

And then I turned Jason into a marionette and took this photograph.

volleyball...part 2

Not so bad after all, Barbinator. Servin' it up!

sentient beings

Just for me?

My Bekah is a good Bekah. She writes plays and things, and wrote me my own custom monologue (after I harassed her into it, of course). She is wonderful and will simultaneously cut into your soul while making you laugh your ass off, after only having made you answer a few simple questions. Order yours today!

She has a blog too, which is far superior to mine. Read it and lover her like I do.

Now, I must practice my monologue and perform it for Edie and Viktor.

Change as the death of a little self

We are afraid of change because we are afraid of killing a small part of ourselves. A little self ( I like to imagine it as a mini me Blaine) goes away and may never return. We have many associations with this concept. We might say: its the closing of a chapter, the beginning of a new chapter, the end of an era, the dawn of a new day, one door opening and another one closing. And this is why we fear- it is finite, the end of something. And thus, the death of a little self.

laugh at me

Last Monday, in an effort to drum up some PTA participation, my school had a teacher volleyball game. It was fun. However, I was instantly reminded that however athletic I pretend to be now (yeah..I run marathons*), I am not athletic. I am not in the least bit competitive or aggressive. And, worst of all, I am afraid of the ball. Look, there I am on the right cringing after I almost had the chance to hit it. Lady in front had to step up an take control, lest Ms. Barbee lose the game.

So, yes, go ahead and laugh at me. I am good at other stuff...I think.

*This is why I like running- you don't have to touch anything but the Earth, nor do you have to be aggressive in any way.

Roller Barbee?

Today in post 17 mile run drunk with endorphins haze, we watched Whip It. A cute little coming of age story about high school nerdy girl turned roller derby champ with hipster clothes. It was, well...cute, and that's about it. But despite it's lack of cinematic prowess, it did inspire me to secretly want to become a roller girl. They all get awesome names like Babe Ruthless, Smashley Simpson, and Maggie Mayhem. They get to push people and skate really fast. I think I could be a pretty good badass. But, actually, ouch.

connecting with my inner student

My favorite thing about being a teacher is making things. Charts, graphs, pictures, example papers...anything like that. I love it! I really get into making it perfect. Then I can say "Look everybody! Look at mine!"

Check out my sample story review above!

Now, if only life could be as simple and easy as doing first grade work.

A very merry birthday to...

My sister!!!!

Tonight, I will wine her, dine her, and accompany her as the day ushers her into her 27th year.

The world is a happier place due to this birth that we celebrate today, and we are happier people for knowing Carrie!

coming up for air

Sometimes when life becomes utterly ridiculous, it is important to do things that will make you stop and remember that you are a person. You are real. And in the grand scheme of things, there is nothing too important about what you are doing or who you are. Life is only life. We are only us. Keeping this in perspective is important.

Do things to remind yourself that you are human. Or, just ask someone to slap you across the face- that might do the trick too.

Pen Psychology*

You can tell a lot about a person by what kind of pens they use. A great pen is the mark (he he he...mark. Pens make marks. Get it?) of a great person.

I am a personal fan of inky ink pens that slide and glide. The ink flows from the tip as if its eagerness to hit the page could only be matched by its painfully precise point. This point is perfect. A perfect pen can make any writer or handwriting perfect. When I write with a great pen, I feel as though I could write anything for any amount of time. My favorite pen is the PILOT PRECISE V5. Now this is a classy pen! It is the paragon of all pens!

Some people don't like these pens. They say they are too inky. They say the ink smudges. I say these people are boring. These people tend to prefer the typical ball point pen. Its simplicity is comforting. I find the ball point ben to be insipid and pointless (he he he..pointless. Like, pens, they have points). The ball point pen could turn any writer or handwriting into that of a novice. When I write with a ball point pen, I feel as though my writing has somehow lost its panache and has resulted in nothing but scribble scrabble nonsensical note taking.

So in short, pen psychology boils down to this: classy pen= classy writer

So, which pen do you prefer?

*and Pen Puns

Ready?

I took this photo with the intention of blogging great blog things about it, but now I can't remember what I was going to say. I'm sure it was meaningful and very thought provoking.

Hmmm...apparently I'm not ready.

Inception Karma?

So, after I openly gave Inception a mediocre review, I had a little Inception moment of my own. I was running in an area in which I don't usually run. I got to a park that I remember from a dream that I have had 2 or 3 times before. It was the craziest thing! I had this distinct feeling that I had been there before, but in a dream. I actually had been to the park before, but my memory of the park was from the dream. In my dream, I go to this park with freinds from high school...there might be a dog there...we're trying t find someone or get away from someone...we walk around... wait under a picnic shelter... try to go to someone's house up a gravel driveway.

I saw the gravel driveway on my run!!!!

Next time, I'm going up the gravel driveway to see what I find.

Will I have the dream again?

This got me thinking about the whole dream/subconscious thing. Why do I have this dream? Why am I remembering it? Is it a dream or is it my memory from real life that is shrouded in some way.

You guys got me thinking. A movie should do that, right? Sorry Chris Nolan, I may be willing to rethink my review. Unless...Was it Leo who traveled into my dreams to plant the idea that I liked his movie? Or maybe just a major case of deja vu?

The Hunchback of Barbee-borough

Sometime between Friday and today, someone planted a giant rock in my right shoulder. This giant rock also has little rock babies that are making their way into my neck and arm. It hurts. It could be bad posture at work, running a lot, or just stress from the massive amount of stuff I have to do. But, ouch.

the come back kid

Don't you love it when you all but banish something from your closet, and then one day you think "Hey, what about you?", then you try it on and actually wear it?

It totally validates pack-ratting all your clothes into your closet. You can always look forward to that greatly anticipated day when you're closet hurls all the clothes back at you and somewhere, in all that carnage, an outfit emerges!

NC school blunder

I guess I'm not surprised.

temporary vs. infinite

This week's yogic words of wisdom focused on the idea of temporary happiness vs. infinite happiness. Think about it.

Infinite happiness is, of course, self realization and connection with the Self. Temporary happiness is, well, everything else. This got me thinking about attachment to things in life and how that is the root of all human suffering (or so the Buddhists say).
So really, temporary happiness eventually leads to suffering of some kind.

Yes, I get it. I understand. But does that mean that a delicious glass of wine and a good meal, a run in the woods, or a leather jacket will eventually lead to suffering?
I think not. I think that the attachment to and reliance upon these things could lead to suffering. But, the enjoyment of these things in the moment, no strings attached, could merely be a means to an end. The end being, if you're lucky, self realization.

altruism, part 2- a rebuttal to myself

Maybe altruism does not exist because we do not make it exist. Is this something we have create for ourselves rather than assuming that it is inherent (or not inherent) in all beings? Definitely.

Altruism is something you have to work for. Of course we don't just naturally do things for the sheer joy of helping others. We are animals, you know.

Altruism must stem from unconditional love and compassion for others and yourself (since we are all connected).

My challenge, and yours if you choose to accept it: Do a selfless act. Like, really really, selfless.

altruism?

I have a question: Is true altruism real, or even possible?

I would like to think yes...but I think that I think no.

Here's why:

I think that too many people act for the benefit of themselves. And those who say they are acting for the benefit of helping others usually are, but only to receive the recognition of having done something kind. I wonder, like really wonder, that if nobody was watching and no one knew the kind acts that people do, if people would stop doing them all together because they weren't being rewarded in some way for the kind act. Unless that reward came to the person from his or herself and said person could get joy solely from the act of helping, but then: Is the person doing the act only to feel the self produced joy? OR...is it altruism?

Like I said, I want to believe that it's real...but I just don't know.

magical blue nuggets!

My toes are blue and this blueness gives me super powers which allow me to transcend reality.

A Sunday drive gone wrong

I have your dog. Must pay ransom of 1 million dollars and leather jacket if you ever want to see your precious girl again!

Dream within a dream within a dream within a what?

As much as I like to watch people swim through the air, buildings crumble and Leonardo DiCaprio have a confused look on his face while he yells at people, I was not impressed. Honestly, I thought the whole thing was quite silly. Actually, scratch that. I do like the idea of the exploration of dreams and the subconscious, but couldn't that have been delved into minus all the brief cases, guns and hokey special effects. Come on, people...

Redeeming Qualities- hot british man (Tom Hardy), Ellen Page being not Juno, and me entertaining the idea that maybe I look a little, just a little, like Marion Cotillard?

Family portrait

Podcast? Yes.

As with many things*, I judged. I thought I would dislike, or did dislike without reason and then came to like. I did...

Today, I listened to my first podcast! Per the advice of a friend I decided to attempt to satiate my morning music hunger by listening to "The Moth" (a podcast where, as far as I can tell, people tell stories...good ones). I am no fan of talk radio, but these are good. Great, in fact.

Story telling is one of the oldest forms of entertainment and it only makes sense that it would (if good) be captivating and well, entertaining.

I like listening. I even kind of want to be a story teller now. Can one get a PhD in story telling?



*avocados, rainbow flip flops, Top Chef and blogging to name a few...

creative juices

They shall flow forth...

the itch!

Every year around this time, I start to get that back to school feeling (even though I've been in school for about a month). I start to crave fall and fall clothes. I begin to dream of shopping* for my new fall wardrobe. This year I'm feeling especially partial to a few things:

1. Leather Jacket
2. A new scent
3. Jeans!

Just in case there is some kind benefactor out there...


*Yes, I realize that wanting to shop and wanting to aquire more earthly possesions, in general, is not Santosha. But a girl can dream, right?

Bling!

That's the sound of the lightbulb dinging or blinging, rather. Because... I have finally figured out how to blog on my glorious iPad! I am doing it right now in fact. I'm using the blogpress application and I think I like it. There aren't any fancy bells and whistles but it gets the job done. And now, I can be a living iPad commercial at all times. My friend.... Or should I say iFriend?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

music rut

I'm in one... Today, I listened to The Mis-education of Lauryn Hill for the 1,000, 000,000th time. It's good and all...but come on people...that was 1998.
Nothing is wowing me lately.
I need some new jams.

Makeover!

My blog got a makeover! A new format. Now I just need bangs like this little cartoon girl, and all will be right in the world.

Sleep!!!

Why is it that whenever you plan to sleep in, you wake up early and whenever you have to wake up early, you want to sleep in?

I'm just sayin'