The past few weeks, I've felt like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I'm feeling light as a feather, and other days I'm stiff as a board...and everything in between. It's not because I'm crazy, I hope. It's more like I need to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Maybe it's my 30s creeping up on me. Maybe Mercury is in retrograde. Maybe I'm homesick. Maybe I'm preg- NO. Maybe it's the weather (it is extremely cold here still and it's April- a fact which I refuse to let Jason forget and he probably wants to kill me because of it).
I have noticed though, that the days I feel happy-happy-happy directly correlate to days that get started off with a nice hot yoga practice, followed by a yummy coffee, and are filled with sunshine and a taste of warmth in the air. These are the days that I am able to forget that I am in a PhD program, one that I might not want to be in anymore. These are the days where I catch a glimpse who who I really am, someone that I've increasingly lost sight of and traded in for a weird version of myself that does too much work, is worried, is self-conscious to speak in class, and wears too many hoodies.
I'd like to think that we are all on a journey to find the real person within ourselves, that which is the real you. The best version of yourself that somehow got lost along the way, like a child who wandered off in the grocery store: it's there, it needs to be found. The best way to do this is to continue to do the things that feel like you. Do them, be happy, announce your name loudly over the intercom hoping that your true self will hear and come wandering back.
I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteyou're awesome.
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