A Pet Peeve

If you're dirty, it means you need a bth

I don't understand why people think that they need to be flexible in order to practice yoga. A yoga practice is just that, practice. Just as you practice anything, you do it in order to get better at it. As a musician would practice his or her instrument, a yogi practices his or her yoga.

Additionally, with yoga the goal isn't to get better at doing certain postures but rather to get better at achieving flexibility, awareness, and stillness of the mind. So if you say "I don't do yoga because I'm not flexible", it means you need to do more yoga. The cause is the cure.

Wise words on Contentment

"If you try to pursue happiness, you will miss it because the search for happiness will cause discontent. Searching is bound to create turbulence within. A turbulent mind is an unhappy mind. Your search for happiness is always in the future, it is never in the present. The future is outside; the present is within. Bliss awaits you within." -Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi)

The Game of Life

I played Life with Charlote while in Pittsburgh last week and was struck by the amazing/true/misguided/brilliant/insightful/horrifying things that this game teaches our youth about "life".

-spin a wheel and draw a card to decide your career (is it really that random?)

-choose go to college and make more money or end up with vocational job (vocational work isn't so bad, nor is it certain you'll make the big bucks these days with a college education)

-stop at the stop sign to get married (this is a requirement?)

- choose between the family path or the career path (must one choose?)

-land on a spot and sue your opponents for 100,000$ each (let's teach them to show no mercy!)

-buy your dream home, which can only be a mansion, luxury apartment, cape style house, or a delux trailer (bigger is always better, apparently...)

-retire happily in a huge mansion if you are the player with the most money at the end (money=happiness, clearly)

Naturally, I won the game but it was close. It came down to a 20,000$ difference in our final "salaries", so I decided to teach Charlotte a lesson about coming out on top: I gave her 10,000$ so we could both win the game of life and retire happily in the mansion together. 

"See?" I told her, "It doesn't really matter who has the most money. We can still retire together and be happy just hanging out". 

I'm not quite sure the point was made.

Love your body photo shoot

My yoga studio did a photo shoot to promote the idea that yoga is for every body.

Everybody and every body.

I like this idea since most of the media around yoga shows extremely skinny "fit" people doing advanced postures and when it's not that it's somehow deemed not as legit or not "yoga".  I'm just as guilty as everyone else, I suppose, in thinking this. I mean, I follow these people on instagram and am even inspired by them.  But I like to also keep an open mind about what is and isnt't yoga.

Yoga means union and yoga is everything. So certainly yoga is for everybody and every body need not look the same in a yoga posture. 

Here are a few shots from our photo shoot:

Pretty Much.

It's a clever riff off the old adage "how you do anything is how you do everything" and it's the truth, ya'll. 

Do you let your sweat simply roll off like it's no big deal? Or do you wipe, huff and puff, complain, and make it worse?

Blogging about my blog, learning about life

A nice reminder of what an awesome ESL teacher I was

It's the calm before the storm, I feel. Starting March 31st I will be insanely busy for a 10 week stint. Between teaching a course at UO, supervising student teachers, working part time as an assistant researcher, and teaching yoga who knows when I will have time to even think about how much time I don't have. Aye!

But for now, I'm feeling a brief calm and instead of using my time wisely to prepare for my class, I'm finding myself re-reading old blog entires which in it's own way is very useful for reflection and self-growth. That's the cool thing about having been blogging (relatively) consistently since January 2010.  That's 5 years! A lot has happened in the past five years and it's kinda neat to relive it all through my blog. Some things I read are embarrassing, some hilarious, and some even heart-breaking. 

 I think the greatest lesson to be learned from reading old blog posts is, ironically, contentment (santosha). This idea of contentment is something that I have wrestled with for a long time, hence me naming my blog Santosha. I don't suppose this to be the end of my wrestling, but maybe now I've just been ushered into a new class of wrestling. I've got some insight based on my experiences and how I can now reflect upon what I wrote.

Most importantly, I am amazed at the shift in my happiness or contentment during my time as an ESL Teacher. I started out bright-eyed and bushy tailed, excited about my job and life and somewhere down the line I became disillusioned. I let a desire for more (more money, more education, more degrees, more life experiences, more places to say that I lived in) cloud my vision of just how truly good my situation was. If I remove those desires from the equation, all of which are materialistic or ego-driven (aside from the desire for more life experiences, of course) I can reach the conclusion that I always had everything that I ever needed. Unfortunately, it took giving up those things to realize how truly perfect they were. So, in this sense, I believe it to be impossible for a human to understand contentment unless they have once abused their own understanding of it.  Or like Joni Mitchell said "You don't know what you got till it's gone".  

But, hey, at least now I'm cured of my grass is always greener syndrome.   

Art Game

I believe it is true what they say...whoever they is...that art imitates life.

Or is it life that imitates art?

Most likely it is both. Particularly in the case of these portraits that were drawn last weekend by a bunch of yoga teachers with margaritas. 

We decided to play a game and the game was this:

1) Get a piece of paper and a writing utensil.

2) Set a timer for 30 seconds

3) Sit across from a buddy and make eye contact with them 

4) Draw the buddy while continuously making eye contact, no looking up or down or anywhere except into their eyes.

Maybe it's just because we are yoga teachers and we are gifted at truly being able to "see" others, but I think these portraits are spot on. We somehow found a way to capture certain things about the person in a very Picasso-esk way. These renderings felt deep and insightful to me. Who knew a game could so meaningfully capture and depict people in such a carefree way?

I highly recommend trying this at your next gathering. You may not transcend the universe, but you will at least get a good laugh and maybe learn something about yourself in the process.

My portrait

A collection of portraits or Truth with crayon and 8.5x11 white paper

Never the Same Rock: A Guide to 2015

On our New Years Day stroll along the McKenzie River, I couldn't help but be reminded of a saying/story/idea/whatever you want to call it that I've heard a lot. I especially remember being told this ad nauseam at Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.

 It goes something like this:

A rock is never the same rock because every drop of water that passes over it changes it

I think there might be a story that goes along with this idea, something from the Gita, but I can't remember right now. 

Anyway, on our snowy walk I kept thinking about how I'd been on this trail many times and maybe even seen these same river, rocks, trees, etc... but that it was all different every time I'd seen it. 

In this way, we are just like the river rocks or even the river itself, changing and being changing by the things around us. In 2015, I want to remember this. I want to hold it close. Because if we are never the same rock or river or whatever, then every moment is different. Every moment is the first and last of its kind, and therefore should be noticed, even revered.

This is my guide to 2015, and 16 and however many 20-whatevers I get to have after that.

"The Key to the Kingdom of Health"

Ok, ok, so I didn't write this article. And yes, I'm just reposting another article on my blog. BUT, this article pretty accurately describes Bikram Yoga, it's benefits, and the importance of staying true to the sequence. It was written by one of Bikram Yoga's senior most teachers, Emmy Cleaves. She is 80-something years old and still practicing Bikram Yoga daily. She is in perfect health. A yoga badass. If that's not good advertising, I don't know what is. 

If you've ever been curious about what yoga I teach, why I teach it, why I feel passionately about it, read below:

Featured in LA Yoga

January/February 2005 Volume 4/Number 1

BIKRAM YOGA

By Emmy Cleaves

Bikram Yoga, sometimes also called “hot yoga,” is a system of a set 26 yoga posture sequence practiced in a room heated to 100+ degrees and lasting 90 minutes.

Bikram Choudhury, under his guru’s guidance and using modern medical measurement techniques, researched and arrived at this specific sequence of postures.  The individual asanas are classical hatha yoga.  Each classical yoga posture has a specific anatomical, neurological, physiological and psychological effect on the human body.   The intelligence of any posture sequence determines the overall benefit of the practice.

Bikram introduced his unique style of yoga in the United States in 1971.  During the first 20 years this style was taught only in his Beverly Hills studio, mainly to movie stars and athletes.  Bikram was finally persuaded to start a teacher-training program, which opened up the system to national and international exposure.  As of 2004 there are hundreds of Bikram Yoga studios throughout the world.  In recognition of the unique nature of this posture sequence, the U.S. Trademark Office has issued a Trade Mark registration for Bikram Yoga.

In my 31 years of observation, I have seen that most people taking their first BikramYoga class are suffering from bad body mechanics and postural dysfunction.  Each human body has a specific design template.  Muscles work in pairs in order for the body to execute any movement or even to maintain an upright posture against the forces of gravity.  Any imbalance in the dynamic tension between the posterior or erector muscles and the anterior or flexor muscles will compromise the vertical loading on the weight bearing joints.  This creates unnatural wear and tear and ultimately disease and pain.

The first 45 minutes of the Bikram Yoga System consists of standing poses devoted to re-establishing musculo-skeletal balance.  If done with sufficient intensity, they create an aerobic benefit as well.

The second half of the class consists of floor postures that address “the great information super highway” – your spine and it’s correct alignment.  Most people recognize their spinal problems during their first Bikram Yoga class.

My first Bikram Yoga class was in 1973.  For 20 years prior to it, I had taken various yoga classes that had not done much to improve the flexibility of my rather stiff body.  I had also suffered a brain aneurysm.  A life-threatening event of this nature shatters ones faith and trust in ones body. During my very first Bikram class I immediately recognized the power of the corrective training effect in the systematic and repetitious nature of the practice.

Since 1973 I have continuously practiced and taught Bikram Yoga.  It has restored my mental and physical strength and the confidence in my ability to lead a productive life.  It has given me the suppleness I had previously considered unattainable.  My 31 years of practice have given me glowing health and age has had no effect on my body’s weight, suppleness or energy levels.  There are very few things that can disturb the erenity of my spirit and calmness of my mind.

People ask me if I ever get tired of doing the same posture flow.  My answer is that the practice is never the same because I am continuously being changed by the practice.  The daily practice challenges you on many levels.  Concentration and attention are quickly sharpened.  Character issues of patience and perseverance come up each time.  The practice offers a chance to explore deeper levels of Self and develop awareness of the emotions and thoughts that the postures evoke.

For example, backward bending often initially evokes fear, but you find the courage and strength to do it. As you become an observer of the deeper and sometimes buried manifestations of Self, you come to understand yourself more clearly.  You start seeing which reactions to challenges are automatic and habitual and that you can change them.  The asana is a path to Self-awareness.  The physical becomes spiritual.

One of the most common questions of beginners is “why the heat?”  On the simplest level it is because warm muscles are more pliable.  The heat also expedites the flow of blood to all the organs of the body, facilitating the reactions that the postures are designed to create.  Heat will help the body destroy viruses and bacteria.  It strengthens the immune system. There are many cultures in which sweating is part of the healing process.  Think of a Bikram class as a sweat lodge experience.

Bikram yoga is physically accessible to people of all ages and conditions.  The postures require only normal range of motion available to all, from children to the very aged, provided you are being taught by a certified, qualified Bikram teacher.  Beware, however, of the teacher who claims to teach Bikram Yoga but who has altered the strict Bikram regime.  By changing the routine the beneficial effects are destroyed; such alterations are much like the difference between a genuine Rolex watch and a $ 20.00 knock-off.  

Bishnu Ghosh, Bikram’s guru, said that the root of all chronic illnesses can be traced to stress.  He also said that the human body is self-energizing and self-healing and that yoga is the key to this kingdom of health.

Stillness

I've been re-reading a great yoga book lately:

Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillness
By Erich Schiffman (1996)

My favorite longtime yoga teacher, Ti, read this book to us during class over the course of a year. It's a great yoga philosophy book. One to savor. One to read again and again.

I'm rereading it now through a new lens, finding old and new nuggets of wisdom.

Here's one from today's read:

Stillness is not the absence or negation of energy, life, or movement. Stillness is dynamic. It is unconflicted movement, life in harmony with itself, skill in action. It can be experienced whenever there is total, uninhibited, unconflicted participation in the moment you are in--when you are wholeheartedly present with whatever you are doing. (p. 3)

Chew on that, ya'll.

It's just too good

to be savored

Have you ever enjoyed reading a book so much so that you didn't actually want to read it?

This is a seldom occurance, but when it does happen it happens hard. I am currently rationing out The Goldfinch page by page because I just don't want it to end. This book is meant to be savored.  I just may never get through it.

I liken this phenomena to when I was a kid, sorting and rationing my halloween candy as if I were preparing for an apocalypse in which candy would never be found upon the Earth again. I would sort by color, genre, and texture, save my favorite pieces for the end, sometimes never even getting to enjoy these bites-the chocolate having gone grey and flakey.

No, I did not grow up during the depression era, instead I just really have an obsession/problem/attachment to never wanting a good thing to end.  At least now, I can recognize this in myself and learn to enjoy the things that I enjoy. The Reese's cup that is The Goldfinch will not go grey and flakey, but instead it will be delicately devoured bite by tiny, bite.

Advice from a Tree

Good stuff.

Starting a New Book

Starting a new book is so hard. You've just been immersed in the world of one book, feeling the ups and downs and sideways' of it's characters, and experiencing your own life through the eyes of that book. Then, suddenly, it's over (The End) and you're forced to try to immerse yourself in a new story, new woes, new friends. 

New narrative, new style. 

It's all a little jarring, in my opinion. 

It's important to ease into this process with a buffer of coffee. And do not for any reason pick up your phone to begin blogging about how hard it is to start a new book because then it's over. Then you have picked up the phone and at that point, why not check the instagrams, facebooks, and emails? If this should happen to you, promptly put the phone down as soon as the blog post is finished. Pick up the book and begin again.

Knowing when

I can remember one of my professors in grad school once saying:

 "You have to know when to stand tall like mountain, and when to flow like river".

I've always liked this idea.  It is a nice natural image to tie to the notion that it is important to be both rigid and flexible, strong and weak, firm and malleable. It is an homage to the opposites that make us whole beings. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

In addition to relating to the idea of the yin/yang within all of us, it reminds me of the serenity prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

This is yet another thought that I have always liked. This prayer is typically associated with AA and those in recovery.  Though I've never been in recovery or needed the prayer to get myself through the day or anything, it is something to which I often return. Again, referring to the idea that sometimes we must be brave and sometimes we must be accepting, it is a powerful concept.

The "knowing when" is the interesting question. It is a question that I believe to not have an answer, because the knowing is always shifting. What one would stand tall like mountain for, might not be the same to another or even the same to that same person at a different time in life. Even the idea of knowing when to stand tall like mountain and when to flow like river itself is governed by its inherent respect for the opposites. Though it is a strong idea (like mountain), it is a shifting knowledge (like river) of it that must be employed.

Just like a mountain or a river, I think that is beautiful.

Coming Back

After a very long hiatus and a very crazy summer, I am attempting to get my blog up and running again. I've actually had some inspirational thoughts and experiences that some might consider "blog-worthy", but feared the return to blogging because it had been so long (113 days to be precise).  But enough with the fear, here I go!

There's no possible way to recount the events of the past three and a half months without writing a novella. So to spare you and myself, I will say this:

-Emotionally and spiritually trying
-Moving and more moving
-360s and 180s
-Leaving jobs, taking new jobs, leaving new jobs, finding other jobs, leaving those
-Reflections on self, love, trust, faith, ego, homes, friendship, and happiness
-Deep thought about true meaning of Santosha (contentment)
-Growth

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” -Anais Nin 

Not a Competition

Yesterday was the demonstration at Bikram Yoga Durham.  There was about 14 of us who got up in front of our yoga peers and demonstrated the progress of our practice.  Though it wasn't a competition exactly, it held the format of a typical Bikram competition sans scoring and judging.  Basically, this means that we had to include the 5 basic postures designated for competition and 2 postures from the advanced Bikram series.  We had to bow before and after our routine, and announce the names of each posture before we did it.  There are also weird rules about which direction you have to face when doing whatever posture.  That was hard to remember.  I went last which was extremely nerve inducing as I had to watch each of the others demonstrating, finishing, and plopping down on the floor in relief.  I had no idea how nervous I would be once I got up on the podium.  I was shaking, folks.  It's one thing getting up in front of people and speaking, or singing, or whatever.  But getting up in front of people in tiny little shorts and trying to balance?  Scary.

My Routine:

Standing Head to Knee Pose (not the full expression, I guess the camera-man missed that)




Standing Bow Pulling Pose



Bow Pulling Pose




Rabbit Pose





Stretching Pose



Bound Lotus Pose





Headstand with Lotus Pose (Again, my camera man missed the full expression of this one, but got me "gracefully" moving into it)




The group who demonstrated. This was an awesome group of people with whom to do this.  Representing a variety of levels and ages, each and every one of us have such unique practices and are on such different yogic paths.  It was very inspiring to share this experience with each of them.





What a learning experience!  My postures are not perfect, in fact I could probably go through and pick apart each one, but that is not the point.  The point was to share my progress, and demonstrate my experiences and love for the yoga.  I feel honored to have been asked to participate and I would do it again in an instant!

A very bad race indeed

I've been avoiding writing this post for the past two days because I didn't want to have to put into words what a loser I feel like, but alas the time has come to face the music.  My yoga teacher in Thailand said once that nobody ever learned anything from being comfortable, and that is most definitely the theme of this marathon: discomfort...and hopefully some learning.

As you can see, I hobbled across the finish line at a staggeringly slow 5:30 time.  I looked around as a few pity filled cheers brought me in and noticed that the race volunteers were breaking down the finish line party.  Yes, as in packing it up for the day...I was that slow. 

Here's how it went:

-Wake up at 3:55 am to be at the start by 5:30 (why they wanted us there an hour and a half before start time is beyond me.  One of my least favorite things is the pre race wait around and this time it felt like an eternity)
- Start running at 7:00 and feel pretty good until about mile 13 which makes sense considering my training.  I was totally prepared for a half marathon and not a full marathon)
-I did manage to push myself gingerly along to mile 15, where I saw Chris Brophy who so kindly came out to support us.  We ran together for the next mile or so.  Feeling good again.
-Mile 17, I see Jason on his way back from the out and back.  He's walking.  "My IT band" he says dejectedly.  I persevere on.
-Mile 18...Must stop and stretch. Hard to start running again.  I walk as the 4:45 and 5:00 pace groups jog past me.  Damn it. I start running again.
-Mile 20, I eat a pickle at the aid station.  Feeling good again.
-Mile 20.5, Must stop again.  This time it is bad.  My legs are so tight.  I am really far behind now.  I walk until I see Chris Brophy again at Mile 22.  Pep talk ensues.
-Mile 22, I run again.  "Damn this trail"  I shout as I leave the Tobacco Trail and head down some boring Cary road heading toward the finish.
-Miles 23-25  This literally feels like an eternity.  Cary moms and Jersey transplants drive past me.  I curse them.  I'm slow.  Like really slow.  Like, am I walking or running or just shuffling?
- Mile 26  The next .2 will be hell and it is.
-I cross the finish line at a painful 5:30:58.  Shame.

Here's the learning part:  1) At least I finished.  I didn't drop out as I had fantasized about doing many times during the race. 2) I did more that day than most people do on an average Sunday. 3) This failure will make me more hungry for success the next time (yes, there will be a next time) 4) I learned that I need to train for real next time.  I will not just get by on my past running experience.

I think that can be applied to life as well.

Sound advice

Don't be scared
Here's what to do
If a hungry enemy wants to eat you.
Protect yourself from that awful beast
Here's the secret
Hide underneath a bigger beast
with bigger teeth
What a smart thing to do!

Still changin' (me) after all these years

The Little Prince is my favorite book. It has been my favorite book since I read it as a sophomore in high school, learning that a) I can read b) books can be good c) books can change people.

A few years ago I read somewhere that people should read The Little Prince once a year as a way to reignite something within themselves, to caution against becoming a tippler, a geographer, a king, or a lamplighter, and to remind themselves of the beauty and wisdom of the youth. With this in mind, I just completed my 3rd reading of The Little Prince (it's not an annual thing yet, but I'm working on it). Here are some words of wisdom on which to chew:

Then you shall judge yourself," the king answered. "that is the most difficult thing of all. It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a man of true wisdom.

"Where are the people?" resumed the little prince at last. "It's a little lonely in the desert..."
"It is lonely when you're among people, too," said the snake.

Language is the source of misunderstandings.

You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed.

What is essential is invisible to the eye.

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. " Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me. . ."

Must be a genius

"If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?"
- Albert Einstein