OK, Beyonce, just stop it right now because I just can't even...

I'm I've watched Lemonade 5 times now and I just...

I mean, I...

I...

I love it. I love it all so much. 

I'm speechless.

So there.

Here's a few of my favorite parts

Boom!

Hiding in the Tall Grass

Busting up Errythang in her Yellow Dress

In the Tub

Girl Power

Not Sorry with Serena Williams

Pigtails for Days and Dancing on a Bus

"I'm Just Too Much For You"

Redemption

Heart Eyes Emoji

Ah, Bey...

Back Home

I've been back home in NC for a week now. Despite the facts that I'm not actually settled in our house yet, I've  been extremely busy, I'm starting a new job at a new school, and I've hardly had time to tell up from down it still feels 100% g-r-e-a-t to be home.

Here's the sunset from the Durham Bulls game on Friday night to prove it:

Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Carolina on my Mind

Our most recent NC trip was totally awesome. A wedding, family, friends, coffee, beer, sun, warmth, the best food, Carolina Beach, Durham, Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Hillsborough, Raleigh, Lexington, the lake, disc golf, so many serendipitous run-ins, and just the fullest heart that I ever did have.

I realized it was a great trip and that we're supposed to be there when I didn't even feel the need to touch my phone for a majority of the trip. I didn't want to Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, obsessively check my email, or any of the other addictive phone behaviors that I've cultivated. 

Here's a few key shots from our adventures (though I didn't even take that many pictures while I was there because I was just that present most of the time):

Me and Mama downtown Durham style

Jason and his Dad, lake style (ps- unfortunately, I did not get a picture with Jason's mom...sorry, Cathy!)

Driving the boat with Doodle, the not dog

Lil' sister, me, beer, sun

My hottie hubby rocking the NC short shorts!

Making good burgers runs in the Roberts family

A new addition since our last visit: Kegerator!
Complete with one of my favorite beers of all time, Yuengling!

Relaxing on a porch by water, my "happy place"

Best Donuts of All Time: Britt's Donuts, Carolina Beach, NC

Wedding swag

Pre-wedding beer where we serendipitously got to watch the heartfelt first dance from another wedding

Siblings all grown up and friends now

Kat and Adam's first dance...love these two

And a special fox napkin gift.
Thanks, Peggy!
I love foxes.

Sometimes I get sad that I left this place, but then I remember that it took leaving it to realize just how special it is. The lifeblood and soul here are palpable. Now that we have left it for a bit, it will making coming back that much sweeter.

Blogging about my blog, learning about life

A nice reminder of what an awesome ESL teacher I was

It's the calm before the storm, I feel. Starting March 31st I will be insanely busy for a 10 week stint. Between teaching a course at UO, supervising student teachers, working part time as an assistant researcher, and teaching yoga who knows when I will have time to even think about how much time I don't have. Aye!

But for now, I'm feeling a brief calm and instead of using my time wisely to prepare for my class, I'm finding myself re-reading old blog entires which in it's own way is very useful for reflection and self-growth. That's the cool thing about having been blogging (relatively) consistently since January 2010.  That's 5 years! A lot has happened in the past five years and it's kinda neat to relive it all through my blog. Some things I read are embarrassing, some hilarious, and some even heart-breaking. 

 I think the greatest lesson to be learned from reading old blog posts is, ironically, contentment (santosha). This idea of contentment is something that I have wrestled with for a long time, hence me naming my blog Santosha. I don't suppose this to be the end of my wrestling, but maybe now I've just been ushered into a new class of wrestling. I've got some insight based on my experiences and how I can now reflect upon what I wrote.

Most importantly, I am amazed at the shift in my happiness or contentment during my time as an ESL Teacher. I started out bright-eyed and bushy tailed, excited about my job and life and somewhere down the line I became disillusioned. I let a desire for more (more money, more education, more degrees, more life experiences, more places to say that I lived in) cloud my vision of just how truly good my situation was. If I remove those desires from the equation, all of which are materialistic or ego-driven (aside from the desire for more life experiences, of course) I can reach the conclusion that I always had everything that I ever needed. Unfortunately, it took giving up those things to realize how truly perfect they were. So, in this sense, I believe it to be impossible for a human to understand contentment unless they have once abused their own understanding of it.  Or like Joni Mitchell said "You don't know what you got till it's gone".  

But, hey, at least now I'm cured of my grass is always greener syndrome.   

Dear NC,

I'm jealous of your snow storms this year. Thinking of snow days, shut downs, lines at the grocery store, snowy dog walks, coffee, what's open?, sleeping in, feeling giddily trapped inside, fluffy flakes, bright white days and bright white nights.

Love,

Me