Carolina on my Mind

Our most recent NC trip was totally awesome. A wedding, family, friends, coffee, beer, sun, warmth, the best food, Carolina Beach, Durham, Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Hillsborough, Raleigh, Lexington, the lake, disc golf, so many serendipitous run-ins, and just the fullest heart that I ever did have.

I realized it was a great trip and that we're supposed to be there when I didn't even feel the need to touch my phone for a majority of the trip. I didn't want to Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, obsessively check my email, or any of the other addictive phone behaviors that I've cultivated. 

Here's a few key shots from our adventures (though I didn't even take that many pictures while I was there because I was just that present most of the time):

Me and Mama downtown Durham style

Jason and his Dad, lake style (ps- unfortunately, I did not get a picture with Jason's mom...sorry, Cathy!)

Driving the boat with Doodle, the not dog

Lil' sister, me, beer, sun

My hottie hubby rocking the NC short shorts!

Making good burgers runs in the Roberts family

A new addition since our last visit: Kegerator!
Complete with one of my favorite beers of all time, Yuengling!

Relaxing on a porch by water, my "happy place"

Best Donuts of All Time: Britt's Donuts, Carolina Beach, NC

Wedding swag

Pre-wedding beer where we serendipitously got to watch the heartfelt first dance from another wedding

Siblings all grown up and friends now

Kat and Adam's first dance...love these two

And a special fox napkin gift.
Thanks, Peggy!
I love foxes.

Sometimes I get sad that I left this place, but then I remember that it took leaving it to realize just how special it is. The lifeblood and soul here are palpable. Now that we have left it for a bit, it will making coming back that much sweeter.

Blogging about my blog, learning about life

A nice reminder of what an awesome ESL teacher I was

It's the calm before the storm, I feel. Starting March 31st I will be insanely busy for a 10 week stint. Between teaching a course at UO, supervising student teachers, working part time as an assistant researcher, and teaching yoga who knows when I will have time to even think about how much time I don't have. Aye!

But for now, I'm feeling a brief calm and instead of using my time wisely to prepare for my class, I'm finding myself re-reading old blog entires which in it's own way is very useful for reflection and self-growth. That's the cool thing about having been blogging (relatively) consistently since January 2010.  That's 5 years! A lot has happened in the past five years and it's kinda neat to relive it all through my blog. Some things I read are embarrassing, some hilarious, and some even heart-breaking. 

 I think the greatest lesson to be learned from reading old blog posts is, ironically, contentment (santosha). This idea of contentment is something that I have wrestled with for a long time, hence me naming my blog Santosha. I don't suppose this to be the end of my wrestling, but maybe now I've just been ushered into a new class of wrestling. I've got some insight based on my experiences and how I can now reflect upon what I wrote.

Most importantly, I am amazed at the shift in my happiness or contentment during my time as an ESL Teacher. I started out bright-eyed and bushy tailed, excited about my job and life and somewhere down the line I became disillusioned. I let a desire for more (more money, more education, more degrees, more life experiences, more places to say that I lived in) cloud my vision of just how truly good my situation was. If I remove those desires from the equation, all of which are materialistic or ego-driven (aside from the desire for more life experiences, of course) I can reach the conclusion that I always had everything that I ever needed. Unfortunately, it took giving up those things to realize how truly perfect they were. So, in this sense, I believe it to be impossible for a human to understand contentment unless they have once abused their own understanding of it.  Or like Joni Mitchell said "You don't know what you got till it's gone".  

But, hey, at least now I'm cured of my grass is always greener syndrome.   

The other dog

All that's left in our little house is the other dog, an amalgamation of all the dog hair that has accumulated over the years...how sad.


Empty house....








Goodbye, first little house. When we are old, will think back to our first little home with fond memories? I think so.

The calm before the storm

This weekend will be mine and Jason's last official weekend of residence in Hillsborough. It's the end of an era. A short 3 year era, but the end of it nonetheless. It is bittersweet in a way. I will miss the small town feel of Hillsborough, hanging out at Cup a Joe where everyone knows us and we know them. I will miss our little house and our neighbors. I will miss our porch. I will miss running the grueling Occoneechee Mountain trail, which is right outside our door. I will miss the tiny town center, and the security that comes with living in a small town that nothing else is happening outside of a 4-5 block radius. But with that security also comes a feeling of suffocation and listlessness, which I will not miss. Seeing familiar faces everywhere is also a double edged sword, leading to contempt and a longing for anonymity. Our small house is great, but not a forever home. To miss a trail is normal and there are trails everywhere. When I begin to feel preemptively homesick for Hillsborough, I have to remind myself of these things and of the fact that change is gonna come and that change is good.

This last weekend in Hillsborough also demarcates the gateway to a short stint back in my hometown of Durham to bookend that last 29 years that I have lived in this area. All my life, all I have ever wanted was to get out of NC even though I kept finding myself here for various reasons, and finally the time has come. Again, bittersweet in a away. Durham has changed so much, and so have I. It will be fun to spend these last 6 months, before our great adventure across the country, having a great adventure in the new 'old stomping grounds'.

But for now, I will enjoy the brief calm before the storm (even if it does involve massive amounts of packing and freaking out).

Let it go

Remember this?





Well, now it is this.




After a few months, some tomatoes, a few squash, and several batches of pesto the garden went to shit and I let it happen. I didn't weed it, the basil bolted and I just stopped picking the cherry tomatoes. Why? I came to the realization that I just don't like gardening. Sure, I like the idea of gardening: getting close to the ground, growing my own food and then eating it. But I just don't like the work. I don't know what that says about me and I don't really care. I like to do other things like run, do yoga, bake things, drink coffee, and buy my vegetables at the market. So. There.

Fall Break: Official

It's my Fall break and the to-do lists abound. Tasks range from door painting to ample sitting and spacing out, with some seasonal clothes swapping and good-will dropping off for good measure. Let the fun begin!

Also to be done: travel to the far northwest corner of the US, run a marathon, make pumpkin bread, and get caught up on bad TV.

She all grows up and she all grows up

Hillsborough is growing, friends.
We have a new bar/ food/ venue thing. I'm not sure it knows what it is yet, but... It will be good.