Not a Competition

Yesterday was the demonstration at Bikram Yoga Durham.  There was about 14 of us who got up in front of our yoga peers and demonstrated the progress of our practice.  Though it wasn't a competition exactly, it held the format of a typical Bikram competition sans scoring and judging.  Basically, this means that we had to include the 5 basic postures designated for competition and 2 postures from the advanced Bikram series.  We had to bow before and after our routine, and announce the names of each posture before we did it.  There are also weird rules about which direction you have to face when doing whatever posture.  That was hard to remember.  I went last which was extremely nerve inducing as I had to watch each of the others demonstrating, finishing, and plopping down on the floor in relief.  I had no idea how nervous I would be once I got up on the podium.  I was shaking, folks.  It's one thing getting up in front of people and speaking, or singing, or whatever.  But getting up in front of people in tiny little shorts and trying to balance?  Scary.

My Routine:

Standing Head to Knee Pose (not the full expression, I guess the camera-man missed that)




Standing Bow Pulling Pose



Bow Pulling Pose




Rabbit Pose





Stretching Pose



Bound Lotus Pose





Headstand with Lotus Pose (Again, my camera man missed the full expression of this one, but got me "gracefully" moving into it)




The group who demonstrated. This was an awesome group of people with whom to do this.  Representing a variety of levels and ages, each and every one of us have such unique practices and are on such different yogic paths.  It was very inspiring to share this experience with each of them.





What a learning experience!  My postures are not perfect, in fact I could probably go through and pick apart each one, but that is not the point.  The point was to share my progress, and demonstrate my experiences and love for the yoga.  I feel honored to have been asked to participate and I would do it again in an instant!

A Demonstration is Coming

One of the interesting things about Bikram yoga is that there is a competitive aspect to it.  It is something that causes me a bit of guilt in my practice because in my understanding, yoga should not be competitive.  This lack of competition is one of the things that initially drew me to yoga.  I'd spent so many years of my life competing in the theatre world.  I was so sick of it all: competing for parts, competing for attention, competing to be heard in a room full of charismatic people.  Finding an arena of my life in which I did not have to compete was such a relief, and ultimately my yoga practice served as a safe haven in which I could truly be myself without having to think about whether or not I was better than someone else at thing A, B, or C. Yoga was a place where I could deeply concentrate on myself, and to do that I did have have to compete.
However, Bikram would say otherwise.  He would say that for thousands of years, yogis in India competed with one another in their postures.  He would also tell you that if you ever hope to get better in your practice, you must compete with yourself.  And, why does it matter whether or not one excels in his or her practice?  Well, with deeper opening and discovery in the asanas (postures) comes deeper opening and discovery in the mind and self. Competition is also a basic human instinct that motivates and inspires us to excel in this way. Because of this, every year Bikram yogis all of the world compete in the Yoga Asana Championship and someone somewhere is crowned champion. Here are this years USA National Champions:

I guess this whole competition thing is getting to be a big deal in the Bikram community because Bikram Yoga Durham is holding a mock "competition" in a few weeks.  They are calling it a "demonstration" because no one will actually be judging per se, unless you count watching and comparing as judging.  It will be conducted the same way a real competition would be; for example...

Well, you don't think I would explain all of this to you with a punchline, do you?  Here's the punchline, friends:  I will be participating in the yoga demonstration.

I'm a little nervous.  Not only because people will be watching me and silently judging me, but also because I will most likely have to reactivate some competitive part of my being to participate.  This, no doubt, will be like unleashing a starving beast that has been shackled deep within the dark dungeons of my ego.  Once unchained, who knows what will happen?

The calm before the storm

This weekend will be mine and Jason's last official weekend of residence in Hillsborough. It's the end of an era. A short 3 year era, but the end of it nonetheless. It is bittersweet in a way. I will miss the small town feel of Hillsborough, hanging out at Cup a Joe where everyone knows us and we know them. I will miss our little house and our neighbors. I will miss our porch. I will miss running the grueling Occoneechee Mountain trail, which is right outside our door. I will miss the tiny town center, and the security that comes with living in a small town that nothing else is happening outside of a 4-5 block radius. But with that security also comes a feeling of suffocation and listlessness, which I will not miss. Seeing familiar faces everywhere is also a double edged sword, leading to contempt and a longing for anonymity. Our small house is great, but not a forever home. To miss a trail is normal and there are trails everywhere. When I begin to feel preemptively homesick for Hillsborough, I have to remind myself of these things and of the fact that change is gonna come and that change is good.

This last weekend in Hillsborough also demarcates the gateway to a short stint back in my hometown of Durham to bookend that last 29 years that I have lived in this area. All my life, all I have ever wanted was to get out of NC even though I kept finding myself here for various reasons, and finally the time has come. Again, bittersweet in a away. Durham has changed so much, and so have I. It will be fun to spend these last 6 months, before our great adventure across the country, having a great adventure in the new 'old stomping grounds'.

But for now, I will enjoy the brief calm before the storm (even if it does involve massive amounts of packing and freaking out).

But I am...

After preaching several days ago the sound advice of a children's book hailing "don't be scared...". I still am. Here's why: This months book club book is this

It's the tale of the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago and a maniacal serial killer who preys upon young women against the enchanting backdrop of revolutionary inventions and architectural revelations. Sounds scary, right? I mean serial killers!!?? Not my cup of tea. I'm really nervous about reading it because serial killer things really freak me out and I don't want to have nightmares, people.

So, what I'm probably going to do is read the book only in broad daylight, with a weapon and dog protection close by.

-OR-

I could take the advice of the song and hide under a bigger scary book?

You don't even WANT to know...

Things that you should just NOT do:

1) Search your address on a registered sex offender websites to find out about all the pedophiles and rapists in your area.

2) Search for future addresses on registered sex offender websites to find out about all the pedophiles and rapists in the area.

3) Search for future addresses on local crime mappers.

4) Try to find out if your house is haunted.

5) Ask how traditional Spaghetti al Carbonara is really made.

6) Think about hotel rooms, rental cars, bowling balls, used clothing or anything else that has ever been touched by another.

The Long Road...

Here it is, the last 6 months of my life as a teacher in Durham Public Schools and I couldn't be more excited. For the past few months, I had actually begun to view my job as slightly more bearable with new administration and a new crop of wonderful students, and the sweet knowledge that it is all temporal. It's never been the students or even the administration that were so maddening. It was other things; programs, attitudes, and systems which I will refrain from mentioning specifically on the internet in case the spies are reading.
And now, knowing what I know and knowing that I will be leaving all I can see is a very long 6 month road ahead of me. I'm going to have to soldier up and endure for the end is in sight. Surely, it will fly by as the first half of the year did and the long road will be traveled and traded in for a literal long road that leads to Oregon.


Vamanos!

A benefit

Today we are heading to Baltimore to spectate the Baltimore marathon in support of our great pals Kurt and Alex. I'm really looking forward to this, as I feel certain that the benefits of spectating a marathon will be amplified due to the fact that we are only a week past our marathon. The pain, the drudgery, the thirst, the intensity and overall insanity of it all is still fresh and will unequivocally fuel our cheers and reinforce the relief that it is over. At least for a little while.

When running a marathon, your supporters can really be a motivating factor and the difference between feeling a hellish mile or soldiering through it. Warm heartfelt messages, funny quips, cool outfits, and young hot hipster dads with steaming cups of coffee can all give you a little extra push when you are feeling like you might walk off the course. I'm plotting the ultimate sign attack that will simultaneously crack people up while deeply motivating them to power through. Here are some of my favorite ideas:

Lyme disease? Lets hope not!

Presumably this is not a Lyme disease tick bite. The doc says I have no need to worry. What it is though, I do not know. I suppose if I begin to exhibit signs of Lyme disease or turn the color lime, we shall have cause to worry.

Instead of worrying, we drink iced soy lattes and galavant.






Boom.

Look Alive...It's Day 5

Day 5 of Bikram Hot Yoga Challenge. I'm feeling great!

In other news, today I remembered a movie that scared the mess out of me as a child. IT (based upon the Stephen King book). I need to remember to not think of this movie ever ever again because it caused me serious trauma which resulted in my never closing my eyes in the shower, never stepping on a shower drain, never walking near a sewer, and never making eye contact with a clown. Still. Seriously. I'm scared right now.

I shall sweat out my fears.

The Things They Put Into Our Heads

I wonder if worrying is an innate biological process meant to somehow evolutionarily protect us from larger predators; if those who worry somehow protect themselves and survive the natural selection process?
OR
is worrying something that is passed down, embedded in us by our families and the social constructs within which we live?

I got to thinking about this yesterday on my run to the top of Occoneechee Mountain in Hillsborough. Parts of this run are fairly remote and at times have prompted me to worry about my safety from rapists, serial killers, AWOL rednecks, and the like. But why? Why do I fear these things? I believe it is due to years of 1) socialization from the fear driven media- news, lifetime movies, crime obsessed TV shows and 2) being taught that because I am a girl I am somehow at more of a risk. This may be true, but why instill a worry into all women because of it?

As I began to ascend the mountain, I looked ahead and saw three large men. My heart began to race, and thoughts of the many horrific things that they would do to me prior to disposing of my body began to fill my mind. As I got closer, the men began to appear harmless: three young chaps sharing in friendship atop the mountain over an herbal cigarette, perhaps. Ah Ha! No use in worrying.

I came to the conclusion that worrying about these things has no effect on the actual situation. Some could argue that worrying makes you more aware of a potentially dangerous situation, providing you increased chances of escaping. This may be true, but I would argue that if something horrible is meant to happen to me then it will happen either way, and having worrisome day dreams during my run is in no way protecting me but making me crazy, rather.

When I reached the top of the mountain, I deduced that, yes, the aforementioned "sketchy" men were indeed sharing in some fellowship atop the mountain. Then, I noticed something. The truly worrisome thing. These were bad men! The summit was a gruesome crime scene littered with the remains of their victims: fast food trash. Disembowled fry boxes, fully drained 40 oz. sodas, and cheeseburger corpses.

Rapists indeed! Raping the environment.

Whoops!

Today, I was probably the clumsiest I have ever been. I got the day started by tripping on the rug in the kitchen. Then, I almost cut my big toe off with a paring knife while chopping onions. Things seemed to be getting better until I dropped a glass milk jug, and yes, it shattered and milk spilled everywhere. While cleaning it up, I banged my head into a metal shelf. And to top it all off, I spilled hot split pea soup all over the counter and myself.

Just call me Butter Fingers...

One Day at a Time

I've been home from Guatemala for slightly over a week. During this week, I birthdayed, did the ol' back to school/work and started training for marathon #2. I feel overwhelmed. I feel busy. Most of all, I feel worried that I will not properly process my experience. I fear that I will forget my Spanish. I fear that I will forget to make a scrapbook of my pictures or that I will not have time to go and buy a photo album.
My new philosophy you ask? One day at a time. I think that might be a slogan for addicts or alcoholics, maybe. But whatever works!

Hello, my name is Blaine and I would like to be able to manage my life while also living in the moment. (maybe while having some wine on the porch)

And so...

Grant me the...

Serenity to accept things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Bon Voyage! Or should I say Bien Viaje?

In a few hours, I'll be waking up at 3:30 am to catch a plane to Miami and then to Guatemala. I'll be studying Spanish, living with a host family and volunteering in Quetzaltenango (Xela) for 3 weeks.

It's been a while since I've been anywhere for longer than a week. The preparation has been pretty intense. Either that, or I've been making it intense because I'm crazy. My head has been full of important decisions such as: Rolly bag or backpack? How many pairs of shoes do I need? Can I run while I'm there? Am I going to get diarrhea? Am I going to get robbed? What book should I take? What if I want those other jeans instead of the ones that I packed? What am I going to do without soy milk?

In the end, what does it all matter?

Important: Have fun. Be safe. Learn a lot. Do good things. Come home.

Freak out!

Oh man...

So, last night we watched The Road (Thank you, Netflix). It seriously freaked me out. I had read the book several years ago, and it seriously freaked me out then. I don't know why I went back for more!

The Road is a novel by Cormac McCarthy (some might remember him from No Country for Old Men...also seriously disturbing). It's set like, now, but after something catastrophic has happened to destroy civilization (nuclear war, perhaps?). The man (Viggo Mortenson) and his son (unknown little boy actor) are traveling on foot to the coast in hopes of finding something hopeful. They have a panoply of disturbing experiences on the road including a run in with people who have resorted to cannibalism!

Considering my recent obsession with apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic events, I was severely rocked by this film. Old man Robert Duvall even alluded to the warnings and signs posited via the Mayan calendar. 2012 maybe???

See it. Or better yet, read it.

back karma

I don't know if it was me in yoga class the other night thinking "Wow, I've never been injured doing my practice!", or if it was me making fun of the man in the school safety video Slips, Trips and Falls shouting "Ow! I hurt my back!". But, I did. I hurt my back this morning, somehow, doing yoga. Ouch. I'm sorry school safety video and I'm sorry karmic gods who decide these things. Please make me better.


Now, how many Advil is too many?

uh...

I'm supposed to go here in a few weeks. I'm not exactly sure what its going to be like. I'm nervous.

There was a hurricane which caused crazy flooding, mudslides, power outages, and this sink hole! Thousands of people have been affected. Houses have been lost, families displaced, and some people have gone missing or been killed.

Two days layer, a volcanic eruption occured. Volcanic ash and rocks were raining down from the sky. The airport is currently closed and Guatemala has declared a state of calamity.